People notice when I cannot come up with the name of my son’s teacher or remember my PIN number at the grocery store checkout. I am losing a bit of myself each day. This person I am now, well, she is what I am left with and it is impossible to hide her deficits.
I once was very organized with a sharp and precise memory. I did not need post-its, or lists, or any reminders. I worked as a newspaper editor and reporter and I forgot nothing. I could tell you the story behind the story complete with names, dates and phone numbers of the parties involved. I knew everyone in the community I served and if I randomly bumped into someone, I knew their name and why I knew them instantly.
The fog began slowly. I missed an appointment here and there and completely forgot someone’s name. I put it down to fatigue, to stress and even to getting older. But the fog progressed. I began to forget how to spell certain words. I would have people greet me like we were very well acquainted and I had no idea who they were. I began to be afraid that something more was happening then momentary lags in my memory.
I have had frightening moments of uncertainty about how a seatbelt unlatches or how to turn on my car’s windshield wipers. I have gotten momentarily lost while driving because nothing seemed familiar.
The good news is, this fog is not present all the time, it lifts and the confusion passes and my memory comes flooding in like a warm breath of fresh air. I am grateful for the respite because it proves to me that my brain is still functional and it really is just the fibro fog causing my difficulties.
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